After stay at my brother house, i’m not ready to come back home. Got 3 months holiday, i think i should take the short semester program and find a part time job. Don’t care if i may get exhausted or whatever as long as i can keep busy. Tonight going back home and don’t know how i could sleep or not.
There are times i want to close all my social accounts. There are times i don’t want to because i can’t start my day without checking on you. There are times i just sitting on my bed thinking of you and smile because of it. There are times when i’m thinking of you makes me feel so much heartache. There are times i really want to text you but i’m scared that my text would disturb you or maybe you don’t like to receive my text. There are times i don’t, because i think if you want to talk to me, then you will. There are times when i go out with my friends, i can forget about you for a while. There are times when i’m with them, i really wish you were with me, spending my day. There are times i really sick of my own house because even my house is reminds me of you. There are times i can’t sleep in my bedroom because it reminds me of our night calls. There are times when i look up to the sky, smile, and thinking “are you okay? Are you Happy? Where are you at? Do you think of me like i do right now? Are we looking at the same sky right now? Do you miss me like i do?” and blablabla, i got so many thought about you anyway. There are times i re read our old conversation and think how silly you are and it suddenly brings a smile on my face. There are times just by thinking of you and loving you is enough for making me happy. There are times i really hate my self for being so far from you and realize how i really need you in my life. There are times i feel so sad and need to cry but the tears just won’t fall. There are times i can’t feel anything but the tears just fall by itself. There are times just by seeing your funny old picture, remembering your voice, reading your text, make my day. There are times i’m being so selfish because i don’t want anybody to have you, i don’t want you to fall in love with another girl. There are times i feel soooo mad at you because of what you’ve done to me but There are times i blame my self because i know it’s all because of me being far from you that made you choose to leave. There are times i feel so lost and feel so lonely but then i’m thinking why should i feel like that? I have you in my heart. Haiihhhh i Cut it out here, actually i still got a lot to say. And Sorry for my long random thoughts. I feel so blue right now, i’m messing up my head.
“if you miss someone, if you still have feelings for someone, just let them know, don’t keep it to yourself. You know, just like fart, you better let the fart out than hold it. Did you get what i mean? if you keep it to yourself, it will hurts you inside, sooner or later.”—by: My funny-wise college friend, Dito
mom likes to scold me when she isn’t in a good mood. she will get angry with no reason and start to blame everything to me, yes, just to me. well, i understand it mom, maybe you got stress or something but please, i got my own mood too, i can’t be patient forever and just sitting there listening to you, hearing your anger, your random anger. mom, you make me more sad now and feel so down. maybe i should disappear.
Baby, i know it’s hard for you, and it’s hard for me too but i just can’t let go. thinking that you’ll love another girl, thinking that i’m no longer in your heart, it kills me, i can’t even imagine that. i know i’m selfish and stubborn, sorry for that anyway. i really hate myself for being far away from you. i don’t even wanna be this far from you. i don’t want you to go, i don’t want. i really don’t want. i don’t want you to leave me, i don’t want.
yes i go out with my boy friends, they pick me up, tell jokes, they wrapped their arms around me, but no i don’t want them, i don’t want their arms wrapped around me, i don’t want another man to hold me. that should be you. whenever i’m with them i’m thinking of you. i need you not another man. and no, i don’t want to, i don’t want to move on. how can i move on when i’m still in love with you? i’m sorry i can’t move on, it’s not easy for me. i’m sorry, aishiteru.
i’m feeling so down tonight, down down down down.. home alone and feeling so blue. everybody left the house and i’m home, got nothing to do,so i decided to clean the house, wash all the dishes and now exhausted. ahhh i want to cry, well, actually i did. i feel like i want to cry all night long. the tears just falling down without i realize, lately often happen to me especially whenever i stare blankly. my college friends sometimes see me and ask me what’s wrong and i just like, nothing, i’m sleepy. to be honest, i can’t describe how i feel right now. i’m sick. help.